Tag Archives: women

Don’t compliment me by putting down other girls.

Compliments that put down other women aren’t the kind that I want to receive.

“You’re not like other girls.” Why is this a good thing? Why are other girls so unworthy of your attention?

“You’re so much prettier than most other girls.” Are you saying they are all ugly? Why should I respect you for that comment?

“I don’t like basic girls, they’re so boring and bad in bed. You’re interesting.” Um…

“Most girls look bad in makeup and wear too much of it, but you make it look good.” Ahhh!!! No!!!

“I’m so glad you’re not like other girls that dress like a (insert “prude” or “immodest worldly woman” comment here).” How a woman dresses does not determine her self-respect, morality, or ability to be good in bed.

Why do we think that putting other girls down is a good way to build up someone else? It’s not, and yet people on both ends of the modesty/body exposure spectrum do it to us all the time. Either we are called prudes for covering up, or we are shamed for showing off our body when we finally overcome our body image issues enough to be proud of how we look.

All women have beauty. All women are worthy of love and respect, no matter what we wear or how pretty we are or how “basic” we are.

So if your compliments involve putting down other women to make your partner feel good, then may I suggest that perhaps there is a level of disrespect and judgment towards women in your mindset? And perhaps, just maybe, it’s ok to compliment the women in your life while still acknowledging the value of other women?

I’d like to hear compliments that DON’T involve comparison. Things like:

“You look so beautiful in that dress, I just want to look at you all day.”

“I love that you are just as beautiful whether you wear makeup or not.”

“I’m amazed by your compassion and intelligence.”

“Your commitment to personal growth is so admirable.”

“You worked really hard today. Thank you.”

“Damn girl, your ass is looking FINE today. I’d tap that. With your consent, of course.”

“I’m so glad that our personal values and interests are compatible. Thank you for being someone I can relate to and confide in.”

Do you see the difference? Instead of putting other girls down for not being like your girl, or for not being a good match for you, why not just focus on what makes her amazing to you personally?

Note: This also applies to other genders, not just women.

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Don’t hate me… but when I was a young teenager Britney Spears was my empowering music.

No, seriously.

I was a petite blonde who was raised in an extremely conservative home. Britney Spears was absolutely forbidden fruit, as was looking remotely like her. But I secretly wanted to. She could wear revealing clothes without shame, she was sexual and aggressive, and her music made something inside of me squirm (*gasp* I was horny!!).

Why? Because I was desperately starved to see a strong, independent woman who embraced her sexuality as a positive thing. The only place I found that was in music like Britney Spears’. Call it a sad reflection on a puritanical society, but this was my introduction and only outlet for sensuality and freedom for several years. It was my spark of hope that someday I could be as free and open as she was.

And then there were songs like this that summed my teenage angst so well:

This was one of the songs that I listened to in my headphones on a CD I’d burned in secret at my friend’s house. It was among my favorite music videos to watch when I knew my parents wouldn’t know. I had elaborate fantasies of singing like Britney; dreams of being unashamed of my body and sexuality. In my world the only way I could be free was in the privacy of my own mind, and in music. I could close my eyes and imagine doing all the things I could never do in real life. I could let go- and Britney was a part of that journey for me.

I’m realizing how much kink has been a part of my life. I mean she’s even got a riding crop in the above video; I was barely 14 when I was drooling over this. I loved dominant women before I even knew that such a term existed. I wanted to be like her before I knew what a Domme was. (Sometimes it’s fun to revisit childhood favorites and pick out all the blatant signs that I was always kinky! Lol)

So when I hear people bash Britney it bothers me. She’s an amazing dominant woman whose music inspired me to explore my own sexuality and female dominance. I watch this video and I want to make my own video cover about all the awful men I’ve dealt with- but in a very sexy way. I’m thinking it would be fun to be a Domme who has men tied up in a rope suspension as she sings this to them and smacks them around. Thoughts? 😉 (I’d have to have someone experienced do the actual rope work.)

There are many female pop stars who get a lot of flack for their open sensuality and the music they play. Sure, some of it is silly and overdone and makes me want to gag, but many of these artists are actually very talented and I admire them a lot.

Say what you want about these women, but Lady Gaga got a bunchy of manly ‘SS officers’ to do sissy dance walking (at 5:45 in this video). And she had a machine gun bra. I mean seriously, LIFE GOALS PEOPLE!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!

Why I don’t coddle strange men’s feelings anymore.

emotions-371238_1920I used to feel bad about being bitchy or blunt with unknown men who message me online. I’d try to explain what they did wrong so they wouldn’t ruin their chances with other women. After all, I used to think, if nobody ever tells them what they’re doing wrong, how will they ever learn? Shouldn’t some woman somewhere explain to them that acting like a douche or being lazy in the early stages will not get them laid or help them find their soulmate?

But here’s the thing- I’m not their mother. It’s not my job to teach all these men how to treat women (and others) with respect, and how to not come off as an entitled creep or lazy spammer. I’ve been around enough decent men to know that men (and people of other genders) are more than capable of figuring this out if they put in the effort to learn. It’s my job to educate MYSELF into a good potential partner. That’s it. It’s THEIR job to seek out information on how to be a good potential partner to ME. And asking me to teach them how does not count.

It’s also not my job to coddle their feelings when they are making me feel uncomfortable or are wasting my time. I cannot be responsible for their emotional well-being. Once a guy told me that he was suicidal and made me feel very guilty about turning him down. Why is this my fault? I’m sorry that many men are dealing with mental health stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to use that as a guilt trip to get what they want. I have mental health issues too, but it would be wrong of me to use that to manipulate someone into being with me. I shouldn’t say unnecessarily damaging things to exacerbate their emotional issues (such as body shaming them) but otherwise their emotional responses to my blunt rejection are their own responsibility.

You guys might wonder why this is even a thing I’d want to write about, but I don’t think you understand how much pressure us femme types are under to make sure we don’t come off as “rude” or “ungrateful” to these men. These men expect us to consider meeting their needs whether it’s for sex, a relationship, kinky photos, conversation, and so on. If we won’t even “give them a chance” then we are somehow in the wrong and are responsible for making them feel bad. This can lead to angry rants or sullen silence at the least, but it can easily progress to threats, stalking, or even physical violence in some cases.

So to any guys who think I’m a bitch or a cunt because I didn’t respond the way you wanted- please grow up. And I don’t mean that sarcastically. Seriously, start working on your personal growth and stop blaming us for not being interested in you when you’re clearly not ready to meet our needs in a healthy relationship.

Rant over.