Tag Archives: lgbt

2 years since I came out as LGBTQ!

(BTW check out my super hot extra short haircut!!)

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Facebook memories reminded me that I officially came out as bisexual (now pansexual) two years ago today.

I’ve never regretted coming out as LGBT and supporting equality, even though I’ve dealt with a lot of judgment and abandonment for it, and society can be a very scary place for us sometimes.

I’m so much happier now that I can just be myself, without feeling terrified that these feelings for people other than men somehow made me “broken” or “disgusting” or unworthy of being treated with respect and admiration. I used to be so scared and humiliated to even admit these feelings to myself because I thought they made me a bad person. I also had the fear of Hell when I was religious.

Trying to convince myself that I was “normal” resulted in even more anxiety and depression. Coming out of the closet, and getting involved in a community that adores and respects me just as I am, has helped me SO much.

Although I still have anxiety and depression, it’s getting better every day, and I know that being able to openly be myself has been a huge part of it. So thank you to everyone who has supported me as LGBTQ, and who has supported LGBTQ equality, because you guys have helped me a lot these past couple years. I needed your support and acceptance while I was figuring myself out and healing from life traumas, and you came through for me.

I’m still quite stressed about some money stuff, but even that is getting better and my anxiety has been manageable despite it. Some days I feel almost giddy because my cheerful happy creative self is back, and I’m slowly regaining my physical strength as well.

2017 is going to be a fantastic year. I have decided. It shall be full of music, art, kinky shenanigans, geeky everything, and hopefully healthy friendships and relationships. And lots of kitty snuggles. And probably copious amounts of chocolate.

Acceptance is a Hard Limit.

One of the lessons I’ve learned in the kink and LGBTQ communities is that not everyone here is accepting of others. In fact, some people here are just as judgmental and belittling as vanilla people often are.

While I don’t expect everyone to personally understand or relate to every aspect of my life and I value diversity of opinion, there are some levels of non-acceptance that I will no longer tolerate from people who want to be actively in my life. I consider these my hard limits for relationships of any kind, even friends. These hard limits are also my personal standard for how I accept others.

My quirky interests.

I don’t care if you don’t also like cats or Star Wars or Disney movies, just don’t imply that I’m stupid or annoying for having these interests. My methods of expressing my quirky interests may need adjustment at times, but not the interests themselves.

My kink.

“Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok.” As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult with a reasonable knowledge of what they are consenting to, there should be no judgment about it. It’s cool if you’re not personally into rape fantasies or kitten play, but don’t put other people down for getting off on them.

My gender identity.

You don’t have to understand why calling myself genderqueer is important to me. Just accept it, and cherish me as I am. Don’t put me down for it or act like it’s an attack on your own gender identity (it’s really, truly not!)

My sexual orientation.

No one should ever be made to feel less-than for who they love. I’ve been put down for being bi/pansexual by other LGBTQ people who said I couldn’t make up my mind about being straight or gay. I’ve been denied access to certain queer groups offering support for women who like women because I don’t ONLY like women. Nope, not ok. My sexual orientation is just as valid as anyone else’s.

My personal beliefs about religion.

While I’m always striving to improve my communication and methods of expressing my ideas, and I admit I may need educating to accurately understand what other people believe, my beliefs are precious to me and I expect the people in my life to respect me as I am.

My mental health and traumas.

This is probably the most important one on this list for me.

I can’t help having anxiety and depression, or having lived through so many major life traumas that have made my mental illnesses worse. I didn’t choose to have ADD. The only choice I had was to get counselling, start meds under my doctor’s supervision, and to take personal responsibility to constantly work on these areas of my life to improve my ability to cope with them.

While I am open to respectful, caring assistance from my friends, and I will sometimes seek or accept advice from people I trust on these matters, I have been crushed and humiliated at how some people have treated my mental illnesses. Being called childish or weak for being triggered, or implying that my therapist and doctor’s glowing reports are wrong and I’m still a failure at managing my mental health, is incredibly discouraging.

People who haven’t lived with severe mental illness do not understand how devastating these comments and non-supportive attitudes are to the mentally ill. But even other mentally ill people do this. Some judge others for not coping like they do, or for experiencing mental illness differently.

If you don’t have something kind and supportive to say about someone’s mental illness, please keep your opinions to yourself. You’re just causing them more pain and may actually set them back even farther in their recovery by dashing their self esteem that they’ve worked so hard to build up. If they’re already getting treatment and you can see that they’re working on themselves, be supportive! Or be quiet and let them recover at their own speed! But don’t play doctor with them when they haven’t asked for your help. Just offer your support when you can, put up boundaries if you need to for your own mental health, and respectfully direct them to mental health resources and professionals if they’re truly falling apart on their own.

In summary:

Don’t be unaccepting under the guise of expressing your opinions. If your opinion says that someone else is wrong or foolish just because they are different than you, and they aren’t hurting you with their differences, then I recommend this old saying:

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Jedi Kittens Fundraiser is now live!!

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I’m expanding my home business and I’m offering great deals on my services and products to people who help me with the upfront costs. I guarantee that you’ll receive your donation perks before Christmas, so this is a great time to stock up on unique and even customized gifts!

If you’re interested in making some Jedi Kitten artwork that I could use in my promotions, you could sell products with the artwork in my Etsy store and/or I can link to your artist pages and promote you on my blog and social media. Message me through my Facebook page if you’re interested in being a featured artist! https://www.facebook.com/jedikittensblog/

Here’s the campaign. If you can’t donate, sharing the fundraiser helps me too 🙂

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/jedi-kittens-business-startup/x/14968101#/

How coming out as genderqueer has improved my feminine side

I used to have many conflicted feelings about how I looked. Part of me wanted to be stereotypically girly and wear a lot of pink and sparkles, while the other part of me wanted to wear baggy jeans and leather and look… Well, not feminine. I was shopping in the men’s section at Fossil once years ago and was embarrassed when they thought I was shopping for a boyfriend. I used to avoid cute bows on headbands because I felt it was too stereotypically “girly” and I didn’t want to fit in the box of extreme femininity that I was being pressured into by my social circles.

Because I was very insecure about looking androgynous or masculine, it caused me to also feel insecure about looking feminine. My appearance rarely felt 100% authentic, no matter what I did. I was constantly trying to stuff myself into their tiny little boxes that left no room for anything outside of their narrow worldview. But now that I’m starting to accept the rest of my gender identity, I also feel much more at home with looking feminine.

I used to hate “the box” of femininity because I saw it as a restrictive role that was expected of me. So I threw out the box altogether in exchange for glorious creative chaos, and I’m much happier now. 🙂 Femininity is just one of many sides of me, not a set role that I must fill for others. I’m just me- gender details may vary. And I’m ok with that.

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This is my favorite look most days: Somewhere in between, held captive by neither rigid masculinity nor femininity.

Socially accepting the LGBTQ community is important.

We need society to accept LGBTQ people as normal. Not because we care about what other people think about us, or because we want others to become gay or to give up their beliefs, but because we are abused and mistreated and shot down in cold blood because so many people see us as immoral, disgusting, and deviant. Being treated as abnormal and immoral is not only hurtful and emotionally damaging, it is dangerous.

When you say there is something wrong with us or that we are abominations, remember Orlando.

When you say gay marriage or gender non-conformity will ruin our nation, remember Orlando.

When you oppose our equal rights and are silent when we are bullied and oppressed, remember Orlando.

Remember that hurtful and violent people will listen to what you say about us, and and they will always take it much farther than you intend. Your words against us are not harmless, even if your intentions are good. Are you encouraging them to love us, or fear us? Accept us as equals, or see us as threats to their way of life?

Silence only benefits the people hurting us. Silence encourages their awful actions against us even more. How much violence and harm could be avoided if more people stood up for us when people put us down or mistreat us?

It’s a shame that it takes a mass shooting for people to take the rampant oppression and violence against the LGBTQ community seriously. How many more of us have to suffer or die before people will put aside their judgements of our personal lives and stand by us as human beings?

We’re Outcasts Because You Made Us This Way.

I see that look of disgust or shock on your face when you’re faced with someone who is “unconventional”. But why? We didn’t choose to be unconventional. You chose that label for us.

You create a gender binary and then exclude everyone who doesn’t fit in it. You’ve decided how men and women are supposed to express their gender, and judge those who don’t fit that narrow mould.

You tell us that only one sexual orientation is natural and acceptable, and anyone who has other attractions is deviant and perverted.

You tell us that monogamy is the only way to express and pursue love and affection, despite history and current healthy families proving you wrong.

You tell us that belief in the supernatural is the default, shaming and excluding those who believe differently.

You tell us that only certain methods of sexual expression and platonic affection are appropriate, and then show your shock and disgust when we break your social taboos.

You tell us that our creative self expression with our hair, clothes, body art, and mannerisms make us unfit for “civilized society”.

You tell us that the pastimes and activities we enjoy are weird because you don’t personally like them.

We are normal and beautiful people, but you call us strange, scary, weird or perverted because you believe that there is only one acceptable way to be human. You have given us a tragically narrow template to stuff ourselves in, and we have refused to cut off pieces of ourselves to fit within it.

We are outcasts because you made us this way. We had a choice between fitting inside your little boxes and being authentically ourselves, and we couldn’t make ourselves live a lie. Our potential and beauty is often overlooked because you cannot see past our differences.

But society is slowly changing, and the outcasts are starting to take back their rightful place- no longer outcasts, but accepted, valuable members of society.

To everyone who has been mistreated and ostracized for being different- we are building a better world by refusing to play by their rules, by refusing to hide our beautiful diversity. Your pain is not for nothing; the world is slowly catching up. Keep on being yourselves, and seek out people who understand just how truly valuable you are.