Compliments that put down other women aren’t the kind that I want to receive.
“You’re not like other girls.” Why is this a good thing? Why are other girls so unworthy of your attention?
“You’re so much prettier than most other girls.” Are you saying they are all ugly? Why should I respect you for that comment?
“I don’t like basic girls, they’re so boring and bad in bed. You’re interesting.” Um…
“Most girls look bad in makeup and wear too much of it, but you make it look good.” Ahhh!!! No!!!
“I’m so glad you’re not like other girls that dress like a (insert “prude” or “immodest worldly woman” comment here).” How a woman dresses does not determine her self-respect, morality, or ability to be good in bed.
Why do we think that putting other girls down is a good way to build up someone else? It’s not, and yet people on both ends of the modesty/body exposure spectrum do it to us all the time. Either we are called prudes for covering up, or we are shamed for showing off our body when we finally overcome our body image issues enough to be proud of how we look.
All women have beauty. All women are worthy of love and respect, no matter what we wear or how pretty we are or how “basic” we are.
So if your compliments involve putting down other women to make your partner feel good, then may I suggest that perhaps there is a level of disrespect and judgment towards women in your mindset? And perhaps, just maybe, it’s ok to compliment the women in your life while still acknowledging the value of other women?
I’d like to hear compliments that DON’T involve comparison. Things like:
“You look so beautiful in that dress, I just want to look at you all day.”
“I love that you are just as beautiful whether you wear makeup or not.”
“I’m amazed by your compassion and intelligence.”
“Your commitment to personal growth is so admirable.”
“You worked really hard today. Thank you.”
“Damn girl, your ass is looking FINE today. I’d tap that. With your consent, of course.”
“I’m so glad that our personal values and interests are compatible. Thank you for being someone I can relate to and confide in.”
Do you see the difference? Instead of putting other girls down for not being like your girl, or for not being a good match for you, why not just focus on what makes her amazing to you personally?
Note: This also applies to other genders, not just women.