All posts by lillyblack82888

Oversheltered- Even From The Evil Disney.

Ariel from The Little Mermaid singing “Part of Your World”:
Thing song reminds me of myself as an over-sheltered girl, looking out at the rest of the world… non-religious music and books, body positivity, LGBTQ, sex positivity, BDSM… and so much more. I tried to convince myself that I liked the strict rules and shame, or that at least they were necessary and I OUGHT to be GRATEFUL for them- but deep down I felt like Ariel, longing to freely explore another world. A world where I decided what my destiny would be, rather than having it decided for me by those who did not honour my individuality.

My parents had an edited version of this movie for me as a young child- all the scenes with the witch and eels were taped over because they were “witchcraft”. I didn’t see the whole thing through until my teens; I was surprised and embarrassed to find out that there was a witch in the story. I had Ariel’s songs all memorized, but had no idea there was a witch. Awkwarddddddd as a 14 year old babysitting kids who thought I was so stupid for not knowing about the witch.
Being over-sheltered led to a lot of embarrassing moments with my peers and likely helped develop my anxiety disorder.

It’s rather ironic… my parents edited a movie about a young girl reaching out for information and freedom. It does not surprise me that my mom does not like the new Disney movies Brave or Frozen, and she likely doesn’t care much for Moanna’s messages of bucking tradition and parental authority either.

:/

I love my parents and I know they wanted the best for me, but come on. Editing a Disney movie so I wouldn’t have even the slightest exposure to non-Christian ideologies? I was not allowed to watch Aladdin, The Lion King, Sword in the Stone, and many other Disney movies or mainstream films that had magical or other themes that contradicted their very narrow beliefs. And ohhh boy we were NOT allowed to watch the Hunchback of Notre Dame! lol.
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Gossip vs Vetting and Other Necessary Communication 

When does talking about somebody else cease to be necessary or helpful and become gossip?

In our community, vetting is an essential part of our community safety. If we don’t share some relevant information with each other, that can potentially put others at risk for being harmed or manipulated. But where do we draw the line? I think there are some criteria to consider.

  • Would the lack of this information potentially cause harm or distress to the person you’re talking to? 
  • Are they directly involved in the situation that’s being discussed? Are you directly involved? 
  • Are they trying to ascertain someone’s safety or trustworthiness, or what the person’s community reputation is, and you have firsthand or other reliable knowledge that would help them make a more accurate decision? 
  • Is the purpose of the conversation to help someone be informed about things that could directly affect them, or is the goal to unfairly discredit or belittle someone for the speaker’s own personal agenda? 
  • Is the person upset because someone else has harmed or distressed them, and they are trying to process what happened by talking to a trusted friend? 

I think the answers to these questions aren’t always going to be black and white, but I think they may be a good place to start. I think motive and relevance has a lot to do with what makes something gossip versus necessary communication, but it’s sometimes very difficult to judge these motives in others or even in ourselves.  

Human communication is pretty screwed up at the best of times. Add in BDSM and LGBTQ issues, mental health complications, emotional responses, past abuse and triggers, and it gets really hard to navigate communication issues. 

I think what’s important is to actively try to make our communication methods as helpful and ethical as possible. But, it’s important to note that we are almost certain to disagree with others on what is helpful and ethical and what is not. I think giving each other the benefit of the doubt, while also standing up for ourselves and others when needed, is important too. 

I welcome respectful dialogue on this. I’m trying to improve my own communication methods and this topic is something I’d like to be better educated on. What do you think makes something unhelpful and gossip? What kind of shared information is ethical and necessary given the risks and intensity of BDSM involvement?