We All Have Demons.

Have you ever liked a song and then really listened to the lyrics one day? I love Imagine Dragon’s “Demons”, but I’d been mostly listening to the music up until tonight.

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Lately I feel like there are more demons inside than usual. Or maybe they’re just digging their nails in a bit more. Spawning perhaps?

The problem with being vulnerable is that it usually involves letting others see our demons, even if it’s just a little peek. We see our flaws and failures as impossibly bad, far beyond what anyone else would be willing to deal with if they knew the truth. We often assume that nobody else could possibly be as depraved as we are because we’re the only ones who know how deep it goes in our minds.

But everyone has a dark side. Some are just less honest about it than others, they hide it under more layers- even from themselves. Pain tends to bring it out a lot, and so does BDSM since it forces us to dig deeper into our darker desires and fears. All of us are capable of beautiful and terrible things. If we ever saw inside each other’s minds we would probably be shocked to see that our darkness isn’t as unique as we think. But we see it as shameful, so no one talks about it- then everyone thinks they’re the only ones. What’s shameful about being imperfect?

If we want others to truly know us, then we have to let them see those parts of ourselves that we hate. After all, if I say I care about you but can’t handle you unless you’re wearing a mask, who do I really care about? The real you, or the mask?

I’d rather shield you from my demons. It’s dark in here sometimes. But if you spend enough time with me, eventually you’ll see them. Maybe not all of them, but some. The ones I can’t easily hide from people long term. And if you stick around long enough, you may catch glimpses of the other ones that I keep behind closed doors.

We’re all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours. Whether it’s friends, kink play partners, lovers, or others who might get close enough to see the unpleasant sides of us, we need people who aren’t intimidated by our demons because their own aren’t that different. We need others who also know the darkness and aren’t afraid to face it head on, who will help us when we’re not quite strong enough on our own.

A new year is almost upon us. Consider this as you count down tomorrow night. 🙂

Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart. -Andrea Balt


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