Life is made up of infinite choices. Sometimes we are aware of these choices, and sometimes we make them subconsciously. We may not realize that we’re choosing one thing over another until we look at the result- one thing is in our life, and the other isn’t anymore. How did it happen? Countless little choices we made that added up to a bigger result. We may not have intended the resulting outcome, but the outcome is still a result of our choices. Like they say, people vote with their feet.
For example, if I stop spending time playing my violin and start spending that time playing The Sims instead, my music skills will suffer but my Sims skills will improve. I might not have consciously meant to choose Sims over music, but how I choose to spend my time and energy is a choice and it always has consequences, whether good or bad or neutral.
If I start growing a garden but then stop watering and fertilizing it, that garden is going to start wilting and it’s not likely to give many flowers or edible produce. If I ignore the browning leaves long enough and don’t start tending it effectively again, eventually it will die and have to be replanted. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t mean to neglect my garden, or if I just forgot to water it, the damage is still done and now it must be repaired if I still want to have a healthy garden.
We have to be intentional about our choices when it comes to things that really matter, because ignorance of how our choices affect life doesn’t negate the effects. We are not slaves to life making choices for us. That’s like believing in a mystical fate that controls our destiny. We make these choices. We decide what we do, how and when we do it, and how we respond to other people’s decisions.
Acknowledging that we have made choices that have affected others, even unintentionally, is essential in having healthy relationships, especially in polyamorous situations or BDSM dynamics. Every choice that we make will affect the people we are closest too. Every moment that we spend with them in a positive way will improve our relationship with them. Every moment that we spend on other commitments instead is time that we are not investing into that relationship. It is our mutual choices as partners, lovers, friends, or family members that make our relationships with them thrive or whither.
We cannot control the choices of others, but we can control our own. We can choose to be more conscious about how our choices affect those who care about us, and we can learn from bad choices. I’ve made many bad decisions and I’m sure I’ll make many more even without meaning too, and sometimes without even knowing it, but my failures in making decisions help me learn what not to do next time, and it teaches me to be more conscious of what I’m actually choosing in everyday life.
Own life. Don’t let it own you.