I used to have many conflicted feelings about how I looked. Part of me wanted to be stereotypically girly and wear a lot of pink and sparkles, while the other part of me wanted to wear baggy jeans and leather and look… Well, not feminine. I was shopping in the men’s section at Fossil once years ago and was embarrassed when they thought I was shopping for a boyfriend. I used to avoid cute bows on headbands because I felt it was too stereotypically “girly” and I didn’t want to fit in the box of extreme femininity that I was being pressured into by my social circles.
Because I was very insecure about looking androgynous or masculine, it caused me to also feel insecure about looking feminine. My appearance rarely felt 100% authentic, no matter what I did. I was constantly trying to stuff myself into their tiny little boxes that left no room for anything outside of their narrow worldview. But now that I’m starting to accept the rest of my gender identity, I also feel much more at home with looking feminine.
I used to hate “the box” of femininity because I saw it as a restrictive role that was expected of me. So I threw out the box altogether in exchange for glorious creative chaos, and I’m much happier now. 🙂 Femininity is just one of many sides of me, not a set role that I must fill for others. I’m just me- gender details may vary. And I’m ok with that.
This is my favorite look most days: Somewhere in between, held captive by neither rigid masculinity nor femininity.